Chapter 53: Methods of Publicity

Yesterday, after being intensely scrutinized by the public, William White had no intention of becoming a spectacle for others. The situation within the school was manageable, but the crowd of reporters outside was truly bothersome. As his fame grew, such troubles would only escalate. Therefore, a professional security team became necessary. His previous bodyguards were loyal enough, but lacked the proper training and expertise.

Fortunately, in this society where capital reigns, if you're willing to spend the money, any kind of bodyguard can be arranged. Texas, he mused, was still better—reporters there never clung to you like leeches. His Texas bodyguards, though not professionals, were fiercely robust; if you provoked them too much, they wouldn’t hesitate to open fire.

America’s so-called legal right to carry guns does not mean you can openly tote firearms on the street—that’s strictly forbidden. Texas, however, is an exception; their laws permit carrying, and it’s not unheard of for someone to bring a gun to a concert. This is no joke. So, in Texas, never lip-sync; you might get shot for it.

Los Angeles is a different story. There, you’re limited to carrying stun guns, which are fine for dealing with weaklings but useless against burly men. Cowboys and professional security personnel are worlds apart. In an emergency, a cowboy’s first instinct is to draw and fire. That’s fine when faced with an actual attack, but if there’s a misjudgment, the consequences can be disastrous.

Although companies like Blackwater don’t exist yet, there’s no shortage of smaller firms offering similar services. All their staff are outsiders, so Uncle Fu wasn’t reassured; he added two trusted men of his own, forming a five-person security detail for William White.

Having bodyguards did make things feel less free, but for the sake of his own life, a little inconvenience was a small price to pay. This world has never been truly safe, and this era makes it especially apparent. Nearly all spy-themed movies that came later originated from this time. Though some stories were invented by writers, many events were real, and it wasn’t until the end of the bipolar global order that the phenomenon of spies began to wane.

William White had been in good spirits these past few days. Thanks to the efforts of the Hunter family, his fortune was increasing daily. Earning money off his enemies was the most satisfying experience imaginable.

The North American box office for Police Academy had already surpassed $150 million. Barring unforeseen circumstances, it was sure to claim the title of highest-grossing film of the year.

The embarrassment facing Hollywood’s giants was obvious. The second-ranked film had barely broken $50 million, and that was with the boost from the Oscars; without it, it wouldn’t have exceeded $30 million. Everyone expected William White to make a sequel next year, but they were wrong again. While he did have plans for a new movie, it wasn’t another Police Academy.

His capriciousness was no exaggeration. No matter what others thought, he simply didn’t care. Is $150 million at the box office impressive? He just refused to make a sequel.

Hollywood’s chronic flaw was evident—they wished they could release two films a year, and as long as they made money, they cared nothing for overexploitation. William White wasn’t short on intellectual property and had no desire to overuse it. Home Alone was an exception, and even that would only run to three installments. Once the kid grew up, the story lost its charm—the final film was already rather forced. Just like Shirley Temple, once the child grew, she was no longer adorable.

While Hollywood was still agonizing over Police Academy, he had already begun promoting his next film. This time, the publicity had no shame: it started with tales of fierce competition among child actors, moved on to the difficulties faced by mothers, and ended with stories of the director’s harshness—anything to elicit sympathy.

In short, the film featured the original cast from Police Academy, promising even more laughs. If you didn’t find it funny, they’d refund your ticket.

Hollywood was bewildered. How had a regular movie turned into a reality show? Were they not even making trailers this time? Why was everything behind-the-scenes footage? Did audiences actually like this approach?

As it turned out, they did. Little Kevin was undeniably adorable, and viewers criticized the strict director, some even suggesting child protection agencies intervene.

Americans, in their foolishness, were in no short supply. With children on set, relevant agencies were always present; there’s no way directors could act recklessly. If animals were involved, even more organizations got involved. In America, you can’t even kill maggots on camera—such idiocy speaks for itself.

It’s best not to feature lobster feasts in films, unless the lobster was electrocuted or drowned. Under no circumstances should you kill it live; otherwise, the film would be shut down. If Chinese cuisine appeared on screen, it could be problematic—better to stick with Americanized Chinese dishes, which are safe.

If you dared to show a roasted pigeon, Americans would go insane. Imagine translating the menu—nine out of ten Americans would lose their minds.

In America, eating pigeons or dogs is practically suicide. If your neighbor saw you doing so, they wouldn’t call the police first; they’d notify the psychiatric hospital, then sell their house as quickly as possible.

Americans don’t eat strange things, partly because their land never suffered famine; they have no reason to eat offal.

Europe is different. They weren’t as lucky as Americans; while not as enthusiastic about food as the Chinese, they certainly wouldn’t waste it. After 2008, they wised up, selling pig feet and chicken feet to the Chinese at steep prices.

You should know, globally, only the Chinese eat chicken feet, and pig feet are much the same. Americans can’t fathom the appeal; just looking at them feels terrifying. When exporting, they discovered pig feet fetched high prices, and ribs were far more valuable than pig legs.

Eventually, the whole world learned: anything with lots of bones goes to the Chinese, while they keep the meatier pig legs. What they didn’t realize was that the Chinese weren’t always like this; their love for meat on bones only came after their economy improved. In the eighties, fatty pork was the most prized.

White Pictures’ publicity was effective. The film was a family-friendly affair, and if the timing was right, many would be willing to see it, hoping their own foolish children might learn something.

After child protection organizations clarified the situation, Home Alone was successfully cleared of all allegations, and its popularity soared yet again.

Hollywood couldn’t make sense of this tactic—first smearing, then clearing the name. They thought it was pointless mischief.

Unfortunately, things went awry once more. The hype not only failed to make audiences unhappy, but they welcomed it. Authoritative surveys showed that many families’ first choice for the Christmas season was Home Alone.

What was their second option?

There wasn’t a single decent rival. According to current analysis, Hollywood was about to be humiliated again. If this movie sold well, they’d have no face left.

William White was busy with post-production, his work far from finished. Time was still ample, but he couldn’t delay any longer; several versions of trailers needed to be completed, and advertising would begin in October.