Chapter 8: Li Zhaodi’s Past, Part 2

The special attention Gu Father and Gu Mother lavished on her made her grow arrogant and spoiled, as if she were carrying a golden treasure in her womb. She began to make all sorts of special demands—one moment craving meat, the next asking for pastries. She even quarreled with her eldest brother’s two daughters over who would get the steamed egg custard, demanded her sister-in-law wash her clothes, and generally made life difficult for the entire household.

Later, she said she wanted to visit her family home to see her two younger sisters. Gu Mother even had Eldest Brother borrow the village ox cart to take her, afraid she might slip if she walked alone in the cold weather.

Back at her parents’ house, though she harbored resentment toward her mother and father, she still loved her sisters dearly. She gave each of them a few coins she’d managed to save over the past months, and earnestly advised them to be careful when it came to marriage in the future—to investigate thoroughly themselves and not let their parents dictate everything. After all, not all families who married off daughters for bride price were the same.

When her parents learned she was pregnant, their eyes lit up—not out of joy for her, but at the prospect of finally finding an opportunity to take advantage. Upon hearing that Gu Tingzhou sent ten yuan home every month, money which Gu Father and Mother kept, they urged their daughter to go back and demand a division of the household, so that she could control those ten yuan herself. With their daughter carrying the next generation of the Gu family, they were sure the Gu family wouldn’t dare refuse.

Since Eldest Brother’s wife had given birth to two girls in a row, the duty of carrying on the Gu family line had fallen squarely on their own daughter. This became the leverage they wielded. No matter how tough Gu Father was, he’d have to bow his head in the end.

Li Zhaodi herself had long harbored similar thoughts. She believed the money her husband earned should be at her disposal. That’s why she’d been making such a fuss at home lately—though she had the will, she lacked the courage. Now, with her parents backing her, she decided to go through with it.

For several days, Li Zhaodi staged a hunger strike, which finally forced Gu Father and Mother to compromise—they divided the household outright.

The family home wasn’t large, so a complete separation would have been inconvenient. Gu Father decided to buy a vacant courtyard in the village for Li Zhaodi. The main household items were all prepared, paid for from the communal family funds. Even the furniture was built by Gu Father and Eldest Brother and sent over. But as for the rest of the family money, Li Zhaodi got no share. She was content just to have separated successfully—after all, she’d have ten yuan each month, so she agreed readily.

Eldest Brother didn’t want to split from their parents; after all, they were used to living together under one roof. In the end, only Gu Tingzhou and Li Zhaodi separated out. That was how this little courtyard came to be. In fact, Gu Father and Mother were considered unusually reasonable in the village—when a tree grows large, its branches must divide; when sons grow up, they must have their own households. They accepted this with an open mind, though they didn’t much care for Li Zhaodi’s pettiness or her family’s greed.

After the division, at first, she was quite happy. She could eat whatever she liked, whenever she liked. Although her parents extorted five yuan from her each month, she still had five yuan left, enough for a single person to live comfortably and even save a little.

Freed from in-laws and parents, making her own decisions, life was sweet indeed.

But when her child was born, she had to work for work points and look after the child constantly. When she got home, there was never a hot meal waiting; everything had to be shouldered alone. Her mother-in-law would sometimes come help with the child, but not every day—she had to earn work points as well.

Worse still, the village gossip cut her like a knife. When her father-in-law was the village secretary and the household was undivided, people treated her with respect for her in-laws’ sake. After the split, especially when rumors spread that she was using her husband’s money to support her birth family, villagers avoided her. No one wanted to team up with her for work in the fields, and the more malicious women would spit at her and insult her openly. She couldn’t out-argue them, suffered much humiliation, and had no one to turn to—even lacked a single confidant in the village.

Over time, exhausted in body and spirit, she grew numb from hardship. The worst part was that in her most desperate moments, there was not a soul to offer her strength or even a sympathetic ear. Physical toil was bearable; it was the loneliness and bitterness in her heart that hurt most.

The suffering she endured in her own family had left her rebellious. Once she tasted a bit of freedom, she let herself go, unable to stop. In any case, no matter what she did, people would dislike her, mock her openly and behind her back. So she figured she might as well give up entirely, let things go to ruin.

She hadn’t always been like this—she’d once been a capable, lively girl. In just a few years, she’d become someone unrecognizable.

After becoming pregnant with her second child, she simply stopped working. She relied on the living expenses Gu Tingzhou sent each month, stayed at home all day, neglected household chores and barely cared for her eldest child, who was always dirty and unkempt.

Sometimes she’d leave the house for an entire day, leaving the little one alone, reasoning that as long as he was still breathing, it was fine. She knew, too, that occasionally his grandmother would bring him food and drink.

Yet she kept herself well-groomed. Each season, she made herself new clothes. Whenever Gu Tingzhou sent a letter, he included various coupons—intended for the children’s clothes and treats—but Li Zhaodi used them all for herself. In the end, she became just like her own parents, the kind of person she once despised.

At least her parents loved their son, but she didn’t even love her two children. The only person she ever cared for was herself.

Perhaps, in the early days of marriage, she’d had hopes for a bright future, but now things had come to this.

Her mother-in-law had tried, at first, to reason with her—urging her not to give all her money to her birth family, reminding her that there would be many expenses for the children in the future, and that saving was the proper thing to do. Not only did she ignore such advice, she talked back harshly. Eventually, her mother-in-law stopped coming, except for her love of her eldest grandson—whenever she ran into the boy, she’d bring him home for a meal, heart aching to see her grandson so poorly fed. Yet she was powerless to change things.

She’d scolded, she’d pleaded, but if someone didn’t help themselves, nothing could be done. Even knowing Li Zhaodi kept siphoning money to her birth family, no one dared tell Gu Tingzhou to cut off her monthly allowance. If she could treat her child so poorly with ten yuan a month, any less and she might starve the children outright.

Li Zhaodi didn’t want to let her parents leech off her every month, but she’d promised it in the beginning, and she was always the underdog at home, suppressed by her parents for so long she could not muster the will to resist. Throwing herself into the river might have been her one act of true courage in her entire life.

Now, both of her sisters had married. With her as a cautionary example, they were more careful—though they, too, married for bride price, at least they hadn’t ended up with fools or dullards.

Li Qingyun herself didn’t know how to judge her—selfish and indifferent, certainly, but perhaps she had her own sorrows buried deep within.